Why Sick People Forward Messages

from vlyzah84

I want to thank all of you who have
taken the time and trouble to send me
your damn chain letters and forwarded
emails over the past few years. Yes,
thank you, thank you, thank you from the
bottom of what's left of my heart for
making me feel safe, secure, blessed,
and wealthy.

Because of your concern....

I no longer drink Coca Cola because it
can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink anything out of a can
because I will get sick from the rat
feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the
microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay
phones because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing
deodorants even though! I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer use margarine because it's
one molecule away from being plastic.

I no longer go to shopping malls because
someone will drug me with a perfume
sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or
FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda
in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because
someone will ask me to dial a stupid
number for which I will get the phone
bill from hell with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their
chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex
because they will take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full
of ice.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from
Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because
I have 363,214 angels looking out for me
and St. Theresa's novena has granted my
every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God
only answers my prayers if I forward an
email to seven of my friends and make a
wish within five minutes. (Geez, the
BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)

I no longer have any savings because I
gave it to a sick girl who is about to
die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th
time).

I no longer have any money at all, but
that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are
sending me for participating in their
special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you
soooooooo much for looking out for me!

I will now return the favor.

If you don't send this message to at
least 1200 people in the next 10
seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will
crap on your head at 5:00 PM this
afternoon and the fleas of a thousand
camels will infest your armpits.


I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of a
friend of a friend of a friend of a
friend of a friend of a friend of my
next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's
8th husband's 2nd cousin's 3rd husband's
ex-wife's mother's beautician!

------
haha! lagot na!