Blog Quiz

Results of your
Romantic Attachment Quiz

Based upon your answers, it appears that you tend to be more closed and to withhold your feelings in relationships with others. This is not necessarily a problem. But if you are having difficulties, they will most likely be in these areas:

• Your partner may complain that you don't let them in, that you don't feel emotionally available
• You may find that relationships may start out fine but deteriorate because you won't take the risks necessary to deepen the relationship
• You may have trouble making long-term commitments that require intimacy

Any distress this behavior may cause you depends on how strongly you opt for avoidance rather than anxiety. Avoidance, after all, is healthy and necessary to maintain your autonomy, self esteem and safety. Its may be good to avoid possible partners when your instincts tell you that they are dangerous.

There is also a self-balancing system involved in any relationship. The person who avoids the risks of intimacy, for instance, may be able to learn about the joys of intimacy from the anxious person who worries about losing the relationship. Similarly the anxious person may benefit from appreciating the avoidant person's naturally well-developed sense of autonomy.

Your romantic attachment style: Fearful and Shy

You have described yourself as fearfully attached. This suggests that compared to others, you may be a little introverted and find it hard to speak up for yourself. You probably find it a little difficult to become romantically involved because of your concern about getting out there and the possibility of getting hurt. You're likely experience shyness a bit more strongly than others do, and that helps make you stick close to home. You may feel less self confident than other people. For some people who are a bit fearful, this is just fine. However, for others, this orientation can be a problem. If you feel you are fearful in your romantic involvements, but would like to become less so, you may find that you will benefit from assertiveness training. This is a form of training in which you are gradually challenged to stick up for yourself more, to become more active in going after what you want in life, in all domains. The challenge is gradual to avoid turning off the training before it can help you. And the rewards are strong. Remember that attachment styles exist in degrees, and in this test, the degree to which a style is true for you will make a difference in your interpretation. Everyone has to have some style or another, and the features of any one style only become maladaptive when they exist in the extreme.

Take the exam here.