hopeless romantic at xmas eve

My second blog! I am getting used to this, you know! And I do enjoy every minute pouring down my thoughts about anything that pops into my mind. Well, my day was terrific! Just came from an overnight swimming and drinking spree with my friends and guild mates. It’s really nice to spend good times with people you know would always be there for you to make you laugh and make things a whole lot easier to bear. But then there are times that I ask myself when do we put a line between friendship and love? When can we say that friendship has gone over the boundaries and that friend of ours became somebody we can never live without?

Hmmm.. two questions that led me to remember a story I read in an email about a girl who has fallen in love with her friend. She had been in a relationship and everything was going on smoothly between her and her boyfriend. Not until their few months together that she realized that she no longer finds happiness in their relationship. She broke up with him and found herself seeing her guy friend in a different view. She had been friends with this guy for more than a year and he often made her smile by his wacky antics and lively disposition in life. She started falling for him but she was too scared to admit it even to herself. Years passed and she never told anyone and she just swallowed the pain she felt every time she saw him with another girl. She never let go of the feeling until the time came that the guy was to be married. She happily attended the wedding and the reception without letting anyone see how she broke in tears every time she excused herself to the ladies room. The reception was held at the guy’s house and as she wandered down the hallway from the ladies room to get back to the reception hall, she saw an open room and decided to cry her heart out there in the empty room. As she entered, a necklace glimmered in the dark and caught her attention. It was the necklace that she had given to the guy on his 21st birthday! She came nearer the table and as she stared down the necklace, she saw many letters scattered on the table. Letters with her name on them. As she read each letter one by one, she broke down in tears… because those letters contained all the confessions of the guy of what he felt for her. The letters told so much about his unspoken love for her, that he was too scared to let her know what he really felt because he was too afraid to lose her, that friendship is the only way that could bring them closer everyday.

Yes it is a sad… even tragic story and I can’t help but be teary eyed whenever I remember it. You can call me cheesy or hopeless romantic, but it really struck me very hard. And it made me wish that same thing could happen to me. Yes I have loved a friend of mine for a long time already but then I am too scared to let him know it. I am too afraid to be rejected… I am too afraid that he might be offended… and I am too afraid to lose him forever.

And as I write this journal, just merely 8 hours before Christmas, I am saying goodbye to him. I will try to forget him and I will try to live at the present, to be just merely his friend nothing else. I will forget that I love you, I will try not to dream about you and I will not look at you at a different way anymore. From now on, you and I will be just friends and I guess that is the way it’ll gonna end.

This will be the last time I will say this and you will never hear it again, “I love you and Merry Christmas!”

Friend of Mine

I've known you for so long

You are a friend of mine,

But is this all we'd ever be?

I've loved you ever since

You are a friend of mine,

And babe is this all we ever could be?

You tell me things I'll never know,

I'll show you love you've never shown

And then again where you go

I'm always at your side.

You tell me 'bout the love you've had

I listen very eagerly

But deep inside you'll never see

This feeling of emptiness that makes me feel sad,

But then again, I'm glad

I've known you all my life,

You are a friend of mine,

I know this is how it's gonna be,

I've loved you then and I love you still

You're a friend of mine,

Now I know friends are all we ever could be

You tell me things I'll never know,

I'll show you love you've never shown

And then again where you go

I'm always at your side.

You tell me 'bout the love you've had

I listen very eagerly

But deep inside you'll never see

This feeling of emptiness that makes me feel sad,

But then again, then again,

Then again I'm glad