Kill Me When November Comes

Im falling into an abyss of mixed emotions. As the days come close to the month of November, I feel like dying slowly day by day. I keep on saying that Im okay... that I have recovered... that I don't cry anymore... but deep inside me I know Im still broken... I am still shattered.

Why does it have to be this way. Why does it have to end so unexpectedly. All I asked for was a space between us so that we can have a chance to know ourselves better. I held on to my pride because I want him to learn something. But he gave up on me and decided to start a life of his own.

June 30 could have been our wedding date... By November, it could have been me that would be giving birth to the child he has been longing for...No matter how I keep on reminding myself that God paved the way of separating us because of His own reasons, I just keep on holding on. God knows the best for me and He knows that I have a lot of dreams before me. He knows that starting a family is not yet on my list. But as the stubborn-headed girl that I am, I still let my emotions overrule my sanity.

Love is the best feeling there is... but this experience made me fear what is beyond loving. Does it have to mean we have to risk being hurt? Does love means that we have to endure the pain? Does love means that we just have to let go?

I am not sure what the answers are. I just cant get my eyes off the calendar and start counting the days til November.

Song In My Mind

"Wake Me Up When September Ends"

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends

How To Handle Love

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart. If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love her/him, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different. If you fall in love with another, and she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame, Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time. Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away. Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into saying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery.

Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life. Don't deny love just only you don't want to be hurt...IF YOU KEEP YOUR HEART OPEN, IT WILL COME AGAIN....

Reason Why Women Find It Hard 2 Find The Man

1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are
beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move automatically lose interest in us when we take the
initiative.

NOW, WHO THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?

"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job, to stomp on them and
keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."

How to Tell Someone You Love Them

A question came from the feedback form on one of the Web sites in which I am involved. "How do you tell a girl how much you love her?" I don't often answer such questions personally, there are people more qualified than I to handle them, but before I knew it, I had written a long answer.

Looking back over my response, I realized it could have broader implications, so I decided to share it with you...

How do you tell a girl how much you love her?

You don't.

You show her.

You be her friend.

You be there for her when she needs someone to talk to.

You cry with her when she is sad, and you are happy for her when she succeeds at something, even if - no, make that ESPECIALLY if - she does that thing better than you do. And you do all you can to see that she succeeds at things often.

You give her what she needs, when she needs it, emotionally I mean, not "things."

And if you do really love her, not just think she is hot, or are infatuated with her, you will do all this expecting nothing in return.

And I mean NOTHING.

If you expect anything from her, you do not love her, you just want to be loved by her. Everyone wants to be loved, but to be loved, you must love.

If you do these things well, one day she will come to you and confide in you about something she feels badly about, because, if you do these things well enough for long enough, it will be you she will want to confide in. When she does, you make sure she knows that it matters to you that this bothers her. If you have advice for her, save it until you are sure she knows you care, and that her feelings matter very much to you.

Once you are sure of this, you may offer your advice, but know that the caring is more important than your idea of how the problem might be "fixed."

Loving her is not admiring the way she looks or anything else about her. These may be among the reasons you are attracted to her, but they are not acts of loving. Loving her is a series of actions, things you do for her, for no other reason than you love her.

Loving her is not wanting her to give you attention, or to give you anything for that matter. Loving her is wanting to give, not get. That is how you love someone. You give to them all you can give and expect nothing back. Once you have done these things well enough for long enough, and her eyes tell you she longs to hear you tell her, then you will have earned the right to tell her how much you love her.

By Warren Kramer, Editor of Daily Wisdom, Creative Director

Blog Grrr! Episode 2

Hmmm.. I made a lot of changes here in my blog. Errr... it is already taking most of my time. Anddd I must say, Mozilla is still the best browser. *Grin* Well, I painstakignly edited the sidebar and added the friendster album links, calendar and I added a little snow flakes effect.

Please free to comment.

Oh btw, ShoutBox is not working. Will check it next time. Hafta go!

Uwian na! Weeeeee... its my rest daaaaay!!!

See ya again. =)

Top 5 Random Thoughts

1. It's pajama party here at the office!

Hahahha! Yeah right! We are all dressed up in pyjamas!

We are actually sharing this floor with another call center company... and you cannot imagine the stares that we are getting. It may look corny for them. But I love this daring idea! It shows how comfortable we are at the floor to the point of agreeing to do something crazy together. Pictures and videos are being taken simultaneously and I promise to post it here when I get to grab a copy of those.

Gotta get that headset before my eyes give in to having a nap. ... zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Uh oh.. pano kami lalabas ng building para magyosi break? Errrr... panu nga ba?? Patay!Baka akalain ng mga nagtratrabaho sa building na ito eh naligaw na sila.. at hotel ang napuntahan nila. ^^


2. My blog is a disaster!

It doesnt look well in Internet Explorer but it works fine in Mozilla browser. And I am going nuts trying to figure out the source code... editing one line and another! Hmmm... I hate programming!

3. I am so irritated by my uber sensitive nose! I can smell only the extremes but not those in between! A while ago I was in the MRT and this guy had a terrible smell early in the morning. I dont know if he wasnt able to brush his teeth or he hasnt changed for years!!! The worst part is that he kept on squeezing his body on my side. Grrrrr... patayin ko kaya ito? And so I realized there's nothing I can do (about his smell.. errr never mind how he looks.. I better not talk about it ^^)... I decided to pretend I'm not smelling anything for the rest of the MRT ride!! And mahirap gawin yun ha!

4. My appetite is going down. For the past three days I have been feeling this way. You know my table here in the office is always full of food of all kinds. You can find Fudgee bar (given by Erik -- moi punching bag.. I just love punching him.. heheheh umangal sha papatayin ko sha), then theres choco crinkles (madalas mga 2 pieces hehehe)...theres tacos.. or mais....or my mug with coffee... and a pack of Marlboro Menthol on the side (ay d pala pagkain ito hehehe)... and list will go on....and on.....

Erik always looks at me and will smirk and say "Yel.. kumakain ka na naman!".... but what can I do.. I just love eating!!!!

But these past few days was terrible. I dont eat at all.

I remember eating 2 servings of balot (yes the one with sisiw!) a few nights ago. But I ate with Erik, Maru, Brian and Mhai. But nothing happened to them. And then I started having LBM-like activities that night... I mean LBM-like lang kasi it is not that frequent movement.. pero my "thing" is very loose and watery... (errrr do I have to be very descriptive on this).. sorry hehehe... basta... it is not frequent.. sa bahay lang... And the next day.. until yesterday.. I had ulcer attacks....

Bakit ganun sila okay naman......

Hayyy.. I hope I will be okay now.....

5. Lord, grant me patience. Yes, I need patience.. and lots of it. Yes working in a call center needs a lot of patience. I get sooooooooooooo irritated with callers who.. I dont know what... if they are really playing stupid or they really are stooopid.. (sorry I am mean)..

Here's the typical conversations I experienced:

All smiling.. I got the call and said: "Good morning. This is Marielle. How can I help you today?"
The other person in the line hisses on the phone. "hmpppph. bzzzzzzzzz.."
"Ah.. hello.. Sir.... how can I help you.." I am sounding a little irritated na.
Another hiss. With loud sounds pa sa background.
I'm about to say my spiel for callers like this.. then all of a sudden the hissing caller shouted: "P*#&^@ ina mo!" and he put the phone down literally banging it!

And I became the shocked Marielle. I cant react for the next 2 seconds. When I got my senses back I cursed him like hell. "Ahhhhh.. F&^% you! Mamatay ka na hayop ka animal ka peste kaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!"

And I cannot get the logic why these callers shout on call center agents. Who the hell they think they are! Kainis! Hehehehe. And that was my first call huh! What a good way to start my working day! So how do you expect me to be patient?!!

Lord grant me patience please.....


Ooopppss.. its 10:51 already... got to work.... =)

Have you ever?

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most, saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and wishing you had? I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart... but if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person? Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own.... when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you? Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle? We tell lies when we are afraid.... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think ,afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie.... the thing we fear grows stronger. Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have, or could have had.

but what would you do....

... if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?
... if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
... if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt?
... if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?
... if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I
love them?

Some people love, and some people die. But I want to tell you that you are a friend. If something happened to me tomorrow, you would be in my heart. Would I be in yours?