Touched By An Angel

I am angelgirl. I dunno if its just merely a simple coincidence but maybe destiny let me choose that nick for it represents who I am and who I want to be (naks!). Ever since, I have always been fascinated with angels and believe it or not, I even used to pray more often to my guardian angel than to God! And I even call my guardian angel Mami! Whenever I am scared or not feeling good, I just call out "Mami!" and everything seems to fall into place. These angels, I believe, are gifts from God to each and everyone of us to protect us and stay with us through the end of time. Angels, no matter where we go will always be with us wherever the roads tahe us to. But you know what, angels do not only exist as heavenly creatures. They are often disguised in the people we bump into every second of our lives. And one of these disguised people made me remember an angel I had before.

I had an experience with an angel a long time ago. He was disguised as a blockmate of mine in my first year college. I was in my usual lively self that morning greeting everyone with a grin when a guy caught my attention. Having studied from an all girls school from prep to high school, I was not that accommodating to guys and he distracted me very much because he had the perfect smile I have ever seen that day. Though he got me distracted, he made a way to befirend me and than next thing i knew, we were already the best of friends. Best of friends that I thought would last forever. He has been all I could ever wish for. He played the role of a brother I never had, an adviser, a counsellor, a father figure.. name it... he was an all around creature for me. And never did it came to my mind that I would be the one who would cross the boundary set between us. And yes, I started falling for him. I started looking at him at a different way. But I never let him knew what i was feeling that time. Not that I am shy or anything, but I was too afraid to lose him because of the "betrayal" that i would be doing. So there I went living each day and loving him secretly.

Then one day he called me up and he said that he has something very important to tell me. I started feeling awful and scared. I was thinking that he will finally tell me about his feelings for me, that the feeling is also mutual. I was very eager to see him that very moment. He set a date that was a week after his call and i almost pulled the days for that BIG day to come. I was extra thoughtful to him that week. I baked him his favorite brownies, wiped his sweat after a basketball game and I almost did everything a girlfriend would do to his boyfriend. And the much awaited day came. I dresseep up in my new clothes and made myself extra presentable than the usual. We went out, and we ate and we strolled around Intramuros which was a few blocks away from our school. We were heading the Manila Cathedral and my heart almost stopped beating. Then right then and there as we approached the door where (coincidentally) an angel figure (where the holy water is placed) is located, he blurted out, "Im in love.." I almost screamed and he continued, "with your friend. I dont know what to do. Can you help me?". After he stated the first 3 words.. I did not understand the rest of the things he was saying. I was numbed, hurt and all I wanted to do was cry my heart out. I wondered how and where I got my composure that I was still able to talk to him and I was able to get home. And it happened, on my bed I cried so hard that tears were soaking up my pillows. I have never cried that hard before and that was the very first time I cried. My world shattered that night. Everything seemed lifeless and I promised that night that never would I believe in angels anymore.

I was in so much pain those days that I started letting go of the friendship. He kept on asking why I was hiding from him but I never told him the reasons why I had to say goodbye to the friendship that we had. I was in so much pain that it would make it more unbearable to have him beside me again. I changed my class schedule in a way that I wont be able to see him. I changed my tambayan where we used to hang out together. And i started having my own set of friends.

We haven't reconciled yet unti now, . He already graduated and in a few months I will be graduating too. And all that's left are the memories I have to cherish for the rest of my life. I know I hated angels from that moment that we were standing at the Cathedral but I guess angels will always be part of me. Now after about 4 years of getting over that heartache with my best friend, I am again a lover of angels. Because now I have come to realize and accept that love doesn't always go the way you want them to, and you just have to let them fly to where they really belong.

AS with angels... I still believe in them. Because angels are all I have to remind me that at one point in my life... I was touched by an angel.

In The Arms Of An Angel

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance

For the break that will make it ok

There's always some reason to feel not good enough

And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction oh beautiful release

Memories seep from my veins

They may be empty and weightless

and maybe I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an Angel

fly away from here

From this dark, cold hotel room,

and the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of an Angel;

may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, a

nd everywhere you turn

There's vultures and thieves at your back

The storm keeps on twisting,

you keep on building the lies

That you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference,

escaping one last time

It's easier to believe In this sweet madness,

oh this glorious sadness

That brings me to my knees

In the arms of an Angel

far away from here

From this dark, cold hotel room,

and the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

of your silent reverie

In the arms of an Angel

may you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of an Angel

may you find some comfort here