Songs In My Life

Here is a fact that you should have known about me by now: I love singing! Yes I really do, even though it seems that sometimes it has been a one way relationship (ahihihihhihi), songs give me solitude much more than movies or tv shows can do. Listening to music makes me daydream endlessly and every song actually reminds me past and present experiences, no matter how sad, happy or cheesy they are. Now I guess I prefer to be in the cheesy mood (as I’ve always been). Let me enumerate the songs that remind me the past guys of my life.

Nagtatanong ang isip, di daw maintindihan

Kung ano ang nararamdaman

Dapat mong malaman sa puso ko’y ikaw lamang ang nagiisa…

Kahit kailan, di kita iiwanKahit kailan, di kita pababayaan

Kahit kailan, kahit kailan

I was only 13 when I meet Mr. D in a swimming party of a family friend. Coming from an all girls’ school, I thought that every guy I meet and see was cute, cool and nice, and so in short, I got attracted to him (now it made me wonder why I did ahihihih). He was 19 then. Actually there was never us, formally speaking. It was a plain MU thingy but I remembered that we both agreed on a date to somehow would be our celebration of being “together” in our own meaning. That date was on April 7, 1996 and eventually we parted ways on June 26, 1996, merely 2 days before my birthday.

There are times when I just want to look at your face with the stars in the night

There are times when I just want to feel your embrace in a cold night

I just can’t believe that you are mine now

You were just a dream that I once knew

Never thought I will be right for you

I just can’t compare you with anything in this world

You’re all I need to be with forevermore.

Four years later, on June 28, 2000, I committed myself to Mr. R1 (Note: This is R1 because there is another R2. J) If I would categorize which guys on my list I had my first serious relationship with, then Mr. R1 would be it. I could say that I have loved this guy so much and that I have sacrificed a lot for him. I was 17 then and he helped me grow up (partially, though). But then again, our relationship proved wrong the saying that first love never dies because it died after a year and a month of being together. And I cried a river because I expected a lot in that relationship and I was hoping that we would end up being together. You know, the idea of my-first-love-would-be-the-guy-I-will-be-married-with thing. Very teenager thinking I must say hahahaha.

All my life, without a doubt

I give you All my life

now and forever till the Day I die,

you and I will share

All the things this changing world can offer

So I sing, I'd be happy just to

Stay this way, spend each day, with you

There was a time, that I just thought

That I would lose my mind

You came along and then the sun did shine

We started on our way

I do recall that every moment spent Was wasted time

but then I chose to lay it on the line

When my relationship with Mr. R1 ended, I was feeling really down and out and I sought refuge in the Church. I began being active in the Church, started attending mass EVERYDAY (now I don’t anymore heehee) and I even became a choir member of the Legion of Mary Choir in Sto. Domingo. There I met Mr. A1 (yes ATlans 1! amp!), our guitarist. (weakness ko kasi ang musically inclined ahihhih)I’ve known him for quite some time already and I never imagined being “us”. But then one time, I started looking at him differently. I started noticing the way his hair was gently tucked behind his hair, the way his eyes were singkit, the way his laughs begin from a little grin, the way his fingers strums the guitar.. everything… I became captivated by his moves but I kept mum about it because I never wanted to be in a relationship anymore after what happened. We became close, eventually and we started texting each other (uso na text noon and I even have a small notebook where lahat ng text nya isinulat ko with matching dat and time. Huh picture me writing down while reading his texts!) Then one time I received a business card that read: “I luv you”. I knew right then and there where it came from. (shmpre lakas ng intuitions ko anoh!) So what I did was I did the same thing and sent it to him. That started the spark and there was no formalities or whatever and I was contented that he was just there beside me. I was contented that way because I knew before hand that he has a girlfriend and he was going to be a father soon. On Christmas day that year, I’ve decided to end whatever was going between us, We were just sitting side by side but I felt that he was miles away from me. He texted me something that says “ bakit ganito? Anong nagyayari? Bakit kailangang magkaganito?” – stuffs like that. And then I cried. I spent that night crying because we actually said goodbye to each other because he was going to be married soon. That broke my heart very much and I have never cried that much in my entire life. I know he loved me, I know he was serious because he even told the president of our choir and also asked for his advice. I know it was love, but it happened at a wrong time. You see, we haven’t kissed, we haven’t even held hands (once lang nung nag Our Father na sa mass) and I don’t even remember knowing what his surname qas! All that mattered to me that time was the “feeling” we both had.

Sandali na lang

Maari bang pagbigyan

Aalis na nga

Maaari bang hawakan

ang iyong mga kamay

Sana ay maabot ng langit

ang iyong mga ngiti

Sana ay masilip

Wag kang mag-alala

Di ko ipipilit sa 'yo

Kahit na lilipad

ang isip ko'y torete sa 'yo

This song reminds me of Mr. M, a cousin of my bestfriend who was 2 years younger than me. This was played in her debut and we had MU thing ulit. Nothing special. Pangkilig lang actually hahaha. Kasama den itong son gna ito : Though it seems I have everything I dont wanna be a lonely fool All of the women, all the expensive cars, all the money don't amount to you. So I can make believe I have everything, but I can't pretend that I don't see. That without you girl my life is incomplete. O di ba.. san ka pa haha

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless
and maybe I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an Angel
fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room,
and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel
may you find some comfort here

This song reminds me of Mr. R2 in my life. He was the angel I was referring to in my previous blog. Hmmm nabasa mo nb ung sa baba? ahihihi

All my life was a paper

once plain, pure and white

till you moved with your pen

changin' moods now and then

till the balance was right.

Then you added some music,

ev'ry note was in place

And anybody could see

all the changes in me

by the look on my face.

And you decorated my life

created a world where dreams are apart.

And you decorated my life

by paintin' your love all over my heart...

You decorated my life.

Hmm.. this song was just one of the 16 songs we had compiled for our wedding. Yap.. this Mr. R3 was the guy i thought I would finally get married with. We were born on the same date that was 28 (I was June and he was October), our destiny number (the single number you get when u add all the digits in the numerical value of your birthday) was both 1, our signs are compatible (me, Cancer and he was Scorpio) and he was the first guy I introduced my mom to. He was the 2nd serious relationship I had and having him in my life has brought a lot of things to learn and none to regret. This relationship taught me a lot. It opened my eyes that not all fairy tales come true, that love doesn’t need to rely on how long you have been together but how you have spent each moment being together. I don’t want to discuss on this anymore. Topic closed already ahihhi.

Babe I'm leaving

I must be on my way

Time is passing by (hek tama ba lyrics??chorus n nga lang)

You know its you babe

Whenever i get weary and i had it all

feel like giving it up

you know its you babe

Giving me the courage and the strength I need

Please believe

babe i love you

This song reminds me of Ms. A2 (uu na atlans 2 naman ngayon!). Yes you read it right. She was a he. She was a lesbian but read this right: I didn’t have a relationship with her. We were just friends plain and simple. She paved the way for my relationship with Mr. R3 legalized at home. It was because I stayed at her house and I didn’t come home for the first time and Mr. R3 called me up at my house and had the courage to ask my mom my whereabouts.

If I’m not in love with you
What is this I’m going through tonight
And if this heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Everytime I think about you baby
Why do I want you like I do
If I’m not in love with you

This song was being played when I was thinking about my friend, Mr. A3( another A.. eheheh Atlans 3? galengnoh 3 pala letter A na tao sa buhay ko haha... and ges wat. they all starte and end with the same letters. Starts with A and ends with N. hahahaha). He is a college friend from another course in my school. I never thought that I would fall for him but I did. I even had the guts to tell him so. He also admitted that he had feelings for me before. But then we agreed not to take it seriously. And until now, we remain friends and I guess we will always be the ka-tropapips. He knows me more than anyone does.

Kissing you is not what I had planned
And now I'm not so sure just where I stand
I wasn't looking for true love
But now you're looking at me
You're the only one I can think of
You're the only one I see
All I need
Is just a little more time
To be sure what I feel
Is it all in my mind
Cause it seems so hard to believe
That you're all I need
Yes it's true we've all been hurt before
But it doesn't seem to matter anymore
It may be a chance we're taking
But it always comes to this
If this isn't love we're making
Then I don't know what it is
All I need
Is just a little more time
To be sure what I feel
Is it all in my mind
Cause it seems so hard to believe
No stars are out tonight
But we're shining our own light
And it's never felt so bright
Cause girl the way I'm feeling
It's easy to believe
That you're all I need

I am in a relationship now. And yet I find this song best describes what I feeling now. I just hope it will last. Lahat naman tayo ganito diba. I know I fall in love very easily. It is because I focus more on the feeling that I am having. I maybe wrong in my opinions in love. But then that's the way i am. I will always be a hopeless romantic.